A poem by my sister.

As the title of this post suggests, my sister Liz Ryan (soon to be Gibson!!) wrote this today and sent it to me after a conversation about my blog and related things :) She's pretty awesome, and a great writer! She's also spot on with this gem. You can find more of her awesomeness here: lizryan4.wordpress.com

Enjoy!

I am a woman
and I cry.
A lot.
These two things may seem unrelated
(or maybe not)
but for me they're intimately 
connected.
Historically, women are known for it.

Crying, feeling too deeply,

they were (or are) feminine trademarks

which made females prone to  hysteria,

the weaker sex. 

A woman in my class

said that because of the changing focus of society,

towards strength,

women can be just as strong as men

and need not be ruled by their emotions.

According to her, women are embracing

a sense of strength typically seen as ‘masculine’.

They are reclaiming strength for themselves.

She was a strong person, she said.

Someone closing the gap.

She celebrated. I grieved.

In light of this new shift

I am the weakest person I know.

I was not the only one,

a voice behind me, female,

‘That’s not strength.’

I saw a ray of hope.
I am a woman.
I cry.
A lot. 
And maybe it's not weakness.
If I embrace this 'masculine strength'
I feel as though my heart would become dry
nothing would be able to grow
nothing good or bad

a wasteland.
I feel things too sharply. 
My emotions bowl me over,
overwhelm me,
refuse to be controlled,
contained.
But I'd rather feel too strongly
than feel nothing at all. 

I am a woman.
With years streaming down my face
I may seem weak.
But I am stronger than I look.
I am filled with oceans,
yet I am able to keep that from destroying me.
My emotions may rule me, tide like,
but they also drive me to care,

to see what's happening to other people,
to better myself,
to reach out,
to give myself to changing what I can

for those who need it.

I am a woman.
I cry. 
A lot. 
But with each tear I hope to carve
a new path for the world.

 

How Women's issues just became Men's issues

Hi guys! I wrote this for a magazine at my university, but I thought I'd post it here as well :)

    I recently asked some people what they thought of when they heard the word 'feminism', and what they think is the main obstacle for women in our society - of the many responses I got, one included a link to a TED talk by Jackson Katz, PhD. An anti-sexism activist, his talk is about how men are cut off from the conversation about violence against women when they should be an integral part of it - not only because the majority of aggressors are male, but also because men are victims too. He emphasises shifting the focus from the female victims of gender violence to the changing of the aspects of our society that allow some men to think hurting and degrading others is acceptable. Just like rape culture, those issues need to be approached on an every day, social level. Talking about the bystander approach, he challenges men to say something when a friend or colleague says something degrading about women. He challenges men to be leaders in how other people, especially women, should be treated.

    Then, I came across an article about the recent rapes and murders of young women and girls in India, written by Mallika Dutt, the president and CEO of Breakthrough. In contrast with a huge focus on the legislative and judicial aspects of these cases, this article stated that "we need to understand violence against women and girls not as a “shocking” problem in a faraway place, but as the global pandemic that it is, affecting cities, towns, neighborhoods, and families everywhere. We need to understand violence against women and girls—in all its forms and degrees—as an expression of the status of women, worldwide, as second-class citizens. Bottom line, we need to create the political and social will not only to protect women and girls—and not only to empower them, but to fully value them as human beings."

    Both Katz and Dutt end with the idea that "men of all stripes—from poor communities to places of power—need to be engaged as leaders and allies in demanding an end to discrimination and violence." Both argue that our society's idea of 'masculinity' needs to be challenged just as much as society's view of women's identity and their roles. There needs to be a shift from thinking of a man as a tough, dominating character to a protective, supporting person. There needs to be a shift from thinking of a woman as a weak commodity to a valued and strong person.

    This is my idea of feminism - the issues we deal with are not just women's issues or men's issues, but problems we all have a responsibility to acknowledge and try to change. Problems we're all involved in and effect, often without knowing it. Rape culture, sexism, gender discrimination and unfair, hostile social constructs all fundamentally involve both men and women. If feminism is about equality, that involves men. 

Link to the TED talk:

http://youtu.be/KTvSfeCRxe8

Link to the article:

http://www.thedailybeast.com/witw/articles/2013/05/05/mallika-dutt-a-better-response-is-needed-to-stop-crimes-like-rape-of-5-year-old-child-in-india.html?source=upworthy1 

"So, what exactly IS feminism?"

Hi guys! Remember me talking about getting more involved and emailing the women's officer at uni? Well today I went to a meeting held by the women's network! Met a few lovely and interesting people, heard some great ideas and shared a couple of my own thoughts. There's quite a few opportunities this week for me to start doing more, and I'm actually pretty excited! Several things to do on campus this week, a panel on women in the media and lots of great plans for the future. One of the things this week includes the launch of a magazine created by women across several campuses, that anyone can contribute to. I'd already planned and started a post about what I think feminism is (as I've had several people ask me), and decided to send that off for consideration for the magazine after I'd finished it - why not! But I'm also putting it here, since that's what it was for in the first place :) I've sort of covered this on here before (and reused a bit of a past post), but maybe I didn't say enough or I didn't say it in the right way. So here we go!:

Do you believe men and women were created equal?
Do you believe every person has the right to choose what happens to their body and when?
Do you believe a woman should make the same amount of money as a man, for the same amount of work?
Do you believe every women should have the choice of whether or not to get married and have children; and not have to give up a career to do so?

If you answered yes to these questions, congratulations! You're a feminist!

Since starting this blog, I've had several discussions with the women in my life about what feminism is. Those conversations have started with quite a few of them saying "I've been reading your blog, and it's interesting, but I'm not really even sure what feminism is". Hearing that surprised me, until I reminded myself that until very recently I was just as clueless.
Last year, a male friend at uni asked me if I would call myself a feminist. I said that "while I obviously agree with a lot of aspects of feminism, I wouldn't call myself one." He didn't understand why not. Evidently, neither did I. Over the next several months up until now, I regularly pondered that and looked into this whole "feminism" thing, getting more and more angry about how much it's ignored. About how I didn't even understand it enough, at 19, to realize that it's awful hard to be a woman and not be a feminist.
So what exactly is a feminist?
When people hear the word "feminist", they tend to think of intimidating women protesting about how men rule the world and its time women take over. But most of us don't want to take over the world - we just want to change it, and make sure our future daughters will be born into a world that supports them, protects them, values them and respects them. We want to guarantee that when our daughter tries to become a doctor, an astronaut, a lawyer, a scientist, an artist - she won't be looked over because she's a woman. We want to guarantee that our daughters will not have to grow up scared of men, and that if they ever need to they can stand up for others and protect themselves. We want our sons to grow up to be feminists - with a respect for women, a desire to make them feel safe and a willingness to stand up to anyone that threatens them.
"Feminism is the radical notion that women are people." (Cheris Kramarae and Paula Treichler)
In plain and simple terms, feminism is the idea that women deserve choices. That only we are allowed to define ourselves and our place in society. Only we get to make decisions about what we do with our lives and our bodies. We get to say what we want from life and then go get it! Feminism is about the freedom to be ourselves. It's about helping other women be happy, independent and strong. It's about putting women into positions of authority to ensure that only those with vaginas and wombs get to make laws and rules about vaginas and wombs. It's about creating equal access to education, careers and medical information and services; providing protective and legal services to women in need; and ensuring a woman's right to feel safe no matter where she is.
While we have a lot more choices than we used to, and are largely free to do with our lives what we will, there are still many obstacles. A woman can become almost anything she wants, but she certainly has to work harder for it. And even once she's made her choices, she will still be less respected than a man in her position. Every woman faces disrespect every day. I strongly believe that our generation's 'version' of feminism needs to include a focus on changing how the world sees us in social contexts, on an every day basis. We need to demand the respect of our friends, coworkers, family members, partners, and bosses.
There's a dire need in our society to erase the negative connotations surrounding the word "feminism" and replace it with the basic idea that started it: that women are equal to men, and need to be treated as such. That getting paid equally, having the same opportunities, not allowing anyone else to define you, belittle you or have a say in what happens to your body are the most important things we need to make happen. Accomplishing this will take more than just "radical women" fighting for their rights; instead, it will take every woman, and every man that values and respects women

You're Fantastic!

You can't appreciate how much you've grown, 

Once you've forgotten the ground."

 -Lacey Roop: The Gravity of Stars 

(which happens to be on my blog already, here: http://the-things-that-really-matter.blogspot.com.au/p/support.html)

Today I'm talking about growth and healing, and how sometimes we need to remind ourselves just how fantastic we are! There has been a reoccurring theme in my life lately of remembering how far you've come and using that to motivate yourself to keep going, and to feel some pride in who you are. 

I consider myself a part of a certain community, where healing from things is the main topic of conversation and the goal of everyone there. Bettering yourself, bettering your life, bettering your attitudes is something we all strive for. Recently a friend from that community wrote about how she has changed in recent years, and how much she loves those changes! She talked about how much she liked certain new aspects of herself that wouldn't have been there if her life hadn't gone a certain way. She mentioned things she still isn't as confident about, but that all of it - the good bits and the not-as-good bits - are all a part of her, and that the whole is something to be proud of, something to love. And I agree! She's one of the most unique, compassionate and strongest people I've come across and I'm truly happy she's found these strengths in herself!

 "I'm a completely different person. And I love it...I respect myself more. I am completely and utterly floored by this realisation. And overjoyed...I hope you guys get here too one day, if you aren't. It's great! Don't despair, as I did, because it will happen. For those of you who are already there - I am glad to finally join you!"

I've also thought about this in relation to myself. I've thought about how far I've come in learning to live with and handle the illnesses I have. Having said that, I'm not as great now as I was around January last year - but I'm a long ways from being too exhausted to do anything other than shower and move from my room to the couch; I'm a lot better than when I was the day I walked from my car to the door of a shopping centre and had to sit for a few minutes to stop myself from fainting. 

Illnesses aside, I've changed in other ways from other things, too. There were some major events in my life last year and even now, just a few months later, I can already think of things that are better, things that are just a tiny bit easier. They're small changes, but they're there. 

Within that aforementioned community, someone else was talking about a hopeless feeling of never progressing, never moving forward. That old idea that as soon as you move a few inches, a huge wave comes and pulls you back to where you started. I suggested she write down what things are like in detail now, then store that somewhere she won't really look for a few months or even a year. Then in time write a new version and compare the two. Lately I've been thinking I should follow my own advice :P Like the quote I began with says, it's awful hard to see how far you've come if you forget where you started. 

This ties into so many things. People talk about racism, sexism, discrimination: yes, it's bad. Yes, we need to make changes. But it used to be worse. Enough people are seeing how wrong things are and joining together to make those changes. People's attitudes are changing, people's ideas of what our society should be like are changing, people are starting to see where we've gone wrong in the past and how we should fix it for the future. And I for one have so much hope for our future. I have a lot of hope in the shifts being made by feminists and equality activists. I have a lot of hope for changing rape culture, and for people getting on board with letting everyone love whoever they want to love. There's reason to hope for more people standing up for others, even when they don't have to. 

Hope isn't enough though if we're not active in making what we hope for happen. I'd really like to get a lot more involved by volunteering (particularly at a women's shelter), and by being more active at uni - just as soon as I figure out how and where :P It's not just about volunteering though. Change happens when we live every day in the way we want the future to pan out. 

This is what Rape Culture looks like

I wasn't planning on making a post about everything going on in Steubenville, Ohio. I think everything that can be said probably has. It's a very, very sad case - made worse by the fact that it's not that unusual. Yes, things spread to a bigger scale with the use of social media and the celebrity-like attitude towards the football team - but the things that were being said are not different. The attitudes, the threats, the humiliation, the cover ups and the victim blaming are in no way unusual. They happen every day in towns all over the world. That's what rape culture is, and it permeates everything.
One thing that's different, thankfully, is the global reaction. People all over the world are finally seeing (and saying!) that this behaviour (all of it, not just rape) is not ok, and that we won't stand for it anymore. People all over the world are finally standing up for victims of sexual assault. A global conversation has been started, and it could mean great new things, someday. Rape culture won't change overnight but more and more people are joining in the efforts to influence it. Here's just some of them:

Dear Jane Doe

http://webelieveyou.tumblr.com/

Dear Jane Doe is a project started with the aim of speaking directly to victims and telling them that they are believed, they are cared for, they are thought of and they are not alone. Of the people running it, some of them are survivors, some aren't - either way, they're all doing something awesome! This is a space to watch!

CNN Petition

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/18/cnn-steubenville-rape-petition_n_2901462.html?ir=Media

Speaks for itself. If you haven't watched the video (TW), it's abhorrent. Reporting like this is part of the reason that rape culture exists and should never happen; this petition is hoping to make sure it doesn't.

Prinniefied.com

http://prinniefied.com/wp/category/steubenville-ohio-gang-rape-case/

The author of prinniefied, a former resident of Steubenville, was one of the first to take great notice of this case and spread needed information about it. She documented things posted on social media that were later removed, which she saved and contributed to the trial. She created a channel for the residents of Steubenville to anonymously discuss the case and give any insight they had. It wouldn't be much of a stretch at all to say she helped convict the rapists, and her blog has become a space for conversation about rape culture and how badly it needs to be changed.

UniteWomen.org

http://www.facebook.com/UniteWomen?ref=stream

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2013/03/20/1195598/-Stand-Support-Jane-Doe-All-Rape-Survivors-UniteWomen-org-Launches-Worldwide-Campaign

This is a project anyone and everyone can contribute to - whether you are a survivor, whether you know one, whether you're a man or a woman. The idea is simply an inclusive conversation about rape culture and attempting to put an end to the shame, blame and guilt that survivors feel.

Men Can Stop Rape

http://www.mencanstoprape.org/

These people have been around for a while, but they could always use more support and for their actions to be spread and more widely recognized. It'd definitely be worth your while to take a few minutes to look through their site and then share it with a few people!

These are just the outcomes I took the most notice of - people, conversations, projects and movements will probably be springing up from this for months, if not years. The next time something like this happens, there will be less shameful reporting, less opportunity for cover ups to succeed, and hopefully less victim blaming all because a handful of people in the world have said something this time. Because finally we are saying - shouting! - that this is not ok. 

Why We Need Feminism

This might be a bit of a confusing start - this morning I found a picture I wanted to share with people, that was basically just the suggestions Google comes up with when you type things like "women should" or "women deserve". I tried it for myself and it's shocking (you should try it). Anyways, after seeing it this morning I didn't save it (I was on my phone) but decided to try and find it again later to post here. I couldn't find it. So I typed "why we need feminism" into Google images. Here are some things that came up:

(This guy actually had a real and good reason..The idiots that edited it can't even spell "dick".)

We all know people still think like this. During the last presidential elections it became very clear just how badly we still need feminism. Images like these, how common they are and the regular sexist jokes I hear enrage me.

Last year, a male friend at uni asked me if I would call myself a feminist. I said "While I obviously agree with a lot of aspects of feminism, I wouldn't call myself one." He didn't understand why not. Evidently, neither did I. Over the next several months up until now, I regularly pondered that and looked into this whole "feminism" thing, getting more and more angry about how much it's ignored. About how I didn't even understand it enough, at 19, to realize that it's awful hard to be a woman and not be a feminist. There's a dire need in our society to erase the negative connotations surrounding the word "feminism" and replace it with the basic idea that started it: that women are equal to men, and need to be treated as such. That getting paid equally, having the same opportunities, not allowing anyone else to define you, belittle you or have a say in what happens to your body are the most important things we need to make happen. Accomplishing this will take more than just "radical women" fighting for their rights; instead, it will take every woman, and every man that values and respects women. 

On this topic, check out this website: http://www.whoneedsfeminism.com/about.html
Most of the Google images were submissions from there. Some of them are interesting... Some of them are great!

First Post EVER!

So, a blog. Seems like everyone has one of these, nowadays. I never thought I would; I always thought I'd have nothing to write about, nothing interesting to say. Then I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. Immediately, my family and I began gathering as much information on it as we could - online, from doctors, word-of-mouth. What we found was there's not an overwhelming amount of information on it, especially for young people. And so, I decided to write a blog. It may never get read, it may not amount to much, but maybe it'll supply someone out there with a little extra information.

 As it's not a very well known illness, here's some brief info on Fibromyalgia:

Fibromyalgia syndrome (FMS or fibromyalgia) is a term used to describe a cluster of symptoms that may include widespread pain and tenderness in ‘trigger points’ on the body that are abnormally sore to touch.

Fibromyalgia affects 2 to 4 per cent of the population, predominantly women. While it is more common in women, men and adolescents can also develop fibromyalgia. It tends to develop during early and middle adulthood or in a woman’s childbearing years.

I got the above from this link:

http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Fibromyalgia?open

You can find more details here:

http://www.medicinenet.com/fibromyalgia/article.htm

And here!:

http://www.fmnetnews.com/basics-symptoms.php

In my case, I developed Fibromyalgia shortly after I had Mono (or Glandular Fever). A lot of people develop Chronic Fatigue after having Glandular Fever, which is similar to Fibromyalgia, except that the predominant symptom for Chronic Fatigue is, well, the fatigue, whereas for Fibromyalgia, the pain is the main symptom.

Glandular Fever itself is unpredictable. Some are sick for a few days, then perfectly fine. Some are sick for a while and take several years to fully recover. Some don’t even get sick at all. I got very sick for about 3 weeks in July 2010, and ended up missing half a year of school because I was constantly exhausted, weak and got sick again very easily. I couldn’t concentrate, had memory problems, was in a lot of pain, developed insomnia and felt sick every time I ate. Several GP’s later, I saw a specialist for POTS syndrome. That seemed to only explain a few things, and the treatment didn’t seem to do anything for me. So we saw a rheumatologist and Fibromyalgia specialist. Though still in the process of working with that doctor, it seems more relevant to my symptoms, and the treatments are working! We’re still experimenting with different diet and exercise changes, different medications and routines. After over a year of being “sick”, I’m finally getting some answers.

But there will never be an easy fix. Fibromyalgia is all about learning to manage the individual symptoms on a day-to-day basis. It isn’t always easy, and there are lots of different approaches. The purpose of this blog is to share some of those approaches that have helped me and others, and to find some more! Later I’ll add things like fibromyalgia-friendly-exercises, recipes, articles I find and other simple things that seem to help. Plus I might just talk about me sometimes :P