"Pro-choice" vs. "Pro-life"

Shortly after starting to volunteer for Repro. Choice Australia, I started telling my friends about it - quite a few of my closest friends are strong Christians and "pro-life". I've talked about how I feel about the phrase "I'm not pro-abortion, but...", but this is different. I got nothing but support when I initially told people what I was doing, even from those who disagree - generally, they were just happy to see me doing something I'm passionate about, and I think that still stands. A few days after telling one of my closest friends, I received a Facebook message from him basically saying that while he cares about and supports me in whatever I choose to do, he strongly disagrees with the pro-choice messages I was posting frequently on Facebook (a little ironic, now that I think about, but I digress). To make a long story short, we both agreed to read the articles we get sent from the other, watch the videos and think about what's said with an open mind. We've done that, exchanged ideas and the debate continues. So far? No ones changed their minds.

But ya know what did happen? We realised we might be arguing completely different aspects of the issue. I was arguing simply that sometimes an abortion is the right decision for a woman, and that decision doesn't involve anyone but her (including, by law, the man that helped create that foetus - the law in most places makes it pretty clear that parental rights don't start until birth). He was trying to argue that abortion is just morally wrong, no matter what, based on opinion and religious views.

He was arguing that he thinks its wrong, I was arguing that that doesn't matter.

And maybe that's what's happening on a larger scale - between activist groups and politicians. Last week, NARAL Pro-Choice America started a hash tag on twitter, #menforchoice, inviting pro-choice men to tweet why they are pro-choice.  The point of this was to include men in the conversation - so often they're cut out, but it takes two to tango, and women making hard decisions need support.

That hashtag veeerrry quickly got noticed and, in a sense, taken over by pro-life groups and individuals. One group in particular has been pretty ruthless, posting what they call 'evidence' against abortion - videos of women saying they were forced to abort or they regret abortion, some cases of women who refused to abort being killed by their partners, stuff like that. According to a leader of this group, any man that is pro-choice just doesn't want to pay child support and will very possibly kill you if you don't abort. http://saynsumthn.wordpress.com/2013/09/19/ant-abortion-tweeters-respond-to-narals-menforchoice-campaign/ Let's not even go into how absolutely ridiculous, how absurdly shameful that statement is. Many other people tweeted things suggesting that any pro-choice man is bad, a murderer, not a real man; some even suggested pro-choice men are incestual rapists: http://www.blogforchoice.com/archives/2013/09/look-what-happe.html?utm_source=nar.al&utm_medium=urlshortener&utm_campaign=FB Again, these statements speak for themselves as to their ridiculous offensiveness. 

My point is, we're arguing different things. Pro-choice people are arguing, most simply, that the decision to have an abortion is that of the pregnant woman. Not the decision of any politician, any religious leader, any family members, any friends - only the woman who is carrying the foetus. Cause its her body. Simple. 

On the contrary it seems as though pro-life people are trying to say "well, I think it's wrong, so don't do it" And,  apparently, that if you support women making their own decisions you're a horrible person. 

Those are 2 pretty different arguments. And maybe, just maybe, instead of hurling insults at each other, accusing others of rape, sexual deviancy and irresponsibility we could try compassion! 

I posted a picture about bodily autonomy and abortion on Facebook, only to have someone tell me that was "the most selfish thing" they've ever seen and for another to plead "but what about compassion?!" Yes, what about compassion? What about compassion for the woman who has to choose between her own life or giving birth, which may kill her and the infant? What about compassion for the woman who doesn't want to go through the emotional trauma of giving birth to a child and putting it up for adoption (because guess what? Abortion isn't the only traumatising end to the relationship between a child and its biological parent)? What about compassion for the woman who can't even afford to feed herself, let alone a child? What about compassion for the rape victim whose situation was made even worse when she found out she was pregnant? What about compassion for babies coming into the world with serious health complications and disabilities that will severely effect their quality of life in a society where care for the disabled is already expensive, already over stretched? And that's if the complications don't end their lives within hours, days or a few years. 

For heavens sake, what about compassion for the thousands of children currently in foster care or without a family to care for them?

On that note, here's a poem that played a very large part in solidifying my own opinions: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iI0NAhP-Ku4 This is particularly relevant as, right now in NSW, there's a bill being debated called Zoe's Law (no.2) that would grant personhood to foetus' 20 weeks and above. The bill itself is perfectly ok - it's named after a 32 week old feotus that was killed in utero in a car accident caused by a drug affected driver. Ignoring how we go from the death of a 32 week old feotus to personhood at 20 weeks, this bill makes sense. But there's serious concern over how it could be used in the future to restrict reproductive choice.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that instead of yelling at each other, we should be working together to ensure that a) a woman's body remains her own, to do with what she will and b) women who decide to abort are supported psychologically and financially in every way possible - because shouldn't both sides want that? Maybe I'm wrong, but I struggle to believe that average pro-life individuals honestly think its ok for anyone to tell a woman what she can and cannot do with HER body. 

I'll end on this note, because I think there's a lot of misconceptions about what being pro-choice actually means: Being pro-choice and being an activist for repro rights is about more than saying "it doesn't concern you, you don't get a say". It's about saying I'd rather it be legalised and regulated so fewer women die in dirty basement clinics. It's about saying yes, there ARE strong psychological effects of abortion - but not for everyone, and in some situations there would be more trauma from not aborting. It's about fighting for the women that do experience abortion related trauma to have affordable access to after-care and therapy. It's about saying "I know this is a shitty situation, I know you might not want to do this but you feel you have to and I'm going to support you in every way I can to make sure that you are ok and that this situation doesn't happen to you again". 

It is so much more complicated than you thinking its wrong and therefore no one should be able to do it.  

I attended a national conference for student feminists!

So, a 4 day student feminism conference. Sounds a little hectic, you think? You're not wrong. Overall it was good, and I got a lot out of it! There were some great workshops about how to be a good ally, how to actually be an activist and run campaigns, how to deal with street harassment, campaigning for disability rights and abortion rights and - the most fun one! - a slam poetry workshop that the leader didn't show up to, so we just ended up watching poems on YouTube for an hour! I learnt a lot of things I didn't know about people with disabilities, particularly feminists with disabilities; for example, the leader of the workshop explained that its almost as if disability activists were fighting for some things that are the exact opposite of feminism - to be seen as sexual beings and to the right to motherhood as approximately 2/3 of parents with disabilities have their children removed from their care, with mothers specifically over represented.

In terms of abortion rights, we talked about just how muddled the laws are in each state of Australia, and about the fact that nowhere in Australia is there any laws that disallow any hospitals (eg catholic funded hospitals) to deny access to certain procedures, despite the state laws - with no obligation to tell patients before admission. For example, it's common for rape victims taken to emergency rooms of these hospitals to not be given any information on emergency contraceptives, or denied access even if they request it. It is also common for those hospitals to refuse to refer them to rape crisis centres, as they see doing so as 'coordinating with pro-choice organisations'. In the case of early membrane rupture, they wait until either the fetal heart beat stops or the woman becomes infected with sepsis to do anything, so it's not seen as an abortion, despite risk to the woman. 

This information was in a talk by Leslie Cannold, the founder of Reproductive Choice Australia; an organisation focused currently on changing the social stigma surrounding abortion. Immediately after her talk I went to the abortion rights activism workshop, run by a volunteer from RCA. After learning more about the organisation, abortion rights and abortion activism, I've decided to volunteer for RCA! I haven't started anything yet, but I'm looking forward to getting involved! Pro-choice activism isn't something that I've always had a solid opinion on - my opinions have changed drastically in the last year or so, and they're still forming and solidifying. It's not an issue that has deeply and personally affected me, but I am passionate about it being a woman's choice (and her choice only!), regardless of the views of others.

So that's exciting! A hell of a lot more good things came out of the conference, and overall I enjoyed it! However... There were some things that I disagree with, which caused me to feel a lot of negativity while I was there. I've struggled a lot with how to process these things and how to talk about them without crossing lines. In simple terms, I felt like there was far too much emphasis on "privilege checking". To me it makes no sense to meet at a conference in an attempt to unite and learn, only to separate into clear groups and tell others they basically have no right to an opinion if they are not part of that group.

To an extent, this is not a problem: I agree that I can never truly understand what it's like to be a low socio-economic woman of color, for example. But ya know what? Quite frankly, I didn't go to a conference to be told, more than a few times, that I'm a white middle class woman and therefore privileged. Anyone who wanted to be there knew that already. I know that. Telling me that doesn't actually achieve anything. Telling each other "you are different from me, you can not weigh in on these issues" unites no one and solves nothing. And wasn't the point of this conference to eradicate division within the student feminist movement?

But I can elaborate on this in another post.

Overall, it was quite a learning experience. There's way too much for one post, but luckily it gave me a lot more material for the future! Brace yourselves!

Hey guys!

Been a while, eh? I need to get better at this. Exams, assignments and the opposite of quiet and relaxing holidays held me up a little! But I'm back! Miss me? ;) I'll soon get back to regular pictures and rants! In the spirit of that, here's one:

 This picture has recently been making the Facebook rounds. During exams, I didn't let myself go too crazy about it. But watching Facebook friends, especially girls, "like" it has caused an interesting mixture of frustration and sadness. Here's the take home message of what my response is going to be: HONEY, THAT *IS* FEMINISM! 

Not the demonising men bit, obviously. But being "capable of taking responsibility for myself and my actions" and having the freedoms to "define myself and derive my value by my own standards" are exactly what feminism is fighting for. Exactly. That. 

A lot of people seem to think "I have those freedoms, why would I need feminism now?" Well, those freedoms are threatened. All the time. For women, for men. When you live in a society whose definitions of gender roles for both men and women are defined by the media; when you live under a government who thinks its ok for committees of men to make nationwide decisions for women's health; when you live among people who think its ok to make fun of a boy who likes pink or to demean a girl who likes to fix cars and has short hair YOU NEED FEMINISM. Yes, you define yourself and derive your own value. But that doesn't stop people from discriminating against you for your definition, it doesn't stop people deriving their own value for you and treating you as such. For that, we need to speak up. We need to say "these things are not ok, and this is what we need to do about it" - I'm talking about the rights of the LGBQT community, the rights of men and women in low socio-economic areas, the rights of victims of domestic and sexual abuse; the value of every child and every adult and their individual right to the exact same opportunities and the same treatment. 

As for that other part? I don't really understand why there's an assumption that feminism means not taking responsibility. In fact, I think it's just the opposite. When we talk about slut shaming and victim blaming, we are not passing the buck off to someone else. For victim blaming, it's as simple as this: The only person responsible for rape is a rapist. That seems logical, right? But we can go into that more deeply another time.

As for slut shaming, that ties into the freedom to define yourself and derive your own values. For those who don't know, slut shaming is "defined as the act of making a woman feel guilty or inferior for engaging in certain sexual behaviors that deviate from traditional or orthodox gender expectations, or that which may be considered to be contrary to natural or supernatural/religious law. Some examples of behaviors which women are "slut-shamed" over include: dressing in sexually provocative ways, requesting access to birth control, or even for being raped or sexually assaulted". Lets talk about the standard definition of "slut": someone who sleeps with several different people during any given time frame. Can you tell someone does that by the length of a skirt, the cut of a dress? No. You cannot. Is there anything wrong with having an active and healthy sex life, provided it is safe, consensual, responsible and not hurting anyone? No, there isn't. Lets not even go into the double standard of men who sleep around being idolised, but women who sleep around being condemned. 

Furthermore, feminism is not demonising men. Yes, forms of radical feminism are not kind to men. But radical feminism is to feminism as terrorists are to Islam. They're there, but they aren't talking about the same message or goals. They aren't the majority. The feminism I stand for wants the opposite: to INCLUDE men in these conversations. To talk about why rape culture and rape exists, and what we should do about it; to talk about slut shaming and why it's wrong; to talk about why it isn't ok for male politicians to be the ones deciding on women's health issues; to discuss how we're going to work together, on equal footing, to change the world.

Lastly, you personally may not be a target for violence, but women are. If they weren't, women in India would not face the risk of having acid thrown on them for turning down a marriage proposal (something that doesn't happen to men). If they weren't, women in certain areas of Saudi Arabia, India, Sudan and many more places wouldn't face the constant risk of being killed for 'family honor', of having their genitals mutilated as children or adults, of having their fingers chopped off by their husbands because they dared to seek an education, of being beaten because they were raped, of being expected to commit suicide because they were raped, of being shot because they tried to go to school - the list goes on. And guess what? These things are not traditionally done to men, these things are not accepted if done to men, these things are not condoned if done to men, these things are not left unpunished if done to men. These things are very rarely done to men. 

Feminism is not fighting for just one group of women's rights. Yes, we're fighting for the right to abortion when it is the tragic but necessary choice, we're fighting for the right to birth control as easily as men can access Viagra. We cant ignore our own issues. And you hear about them more because social media is useful with those issues. But we're also fighting for the women all over the world who have it much, much harder than us. And in their worlds, there IS a war against them. 

There's a lot more I could say about this, but I'll leave it there for now.

A poem by my sister.

As the title of this post suggests, my sister Liz Ryan (soon to be Gibson!!) wrote this today and sent it to me after a conversation about my blog and related things :) She's pretty awesome, and a great writer! She's also spot on with this gem. You can find more of her awesomeness here: lizryan4.wordpress.com

Enjoy!

I am a woman
and I cry.
A lot.
These two things may seem unrelated
(or maybe not)
but for me they're intimately 
connected.
Historically, women are known for it.

Crying, feeling too deeply,

they were (or are) feminine trademarks

which made females prone to  hysteria,

the weaker sex. 

A woman in my class

said that because of the changing focus of society,

towards strength,

women can be just as strong as men

and need not be ruled by their emotions.

According to her, women are embracing

a sense of strength typically seen as ‘masculine’.

They are reclaiming strength for themselves.

She was a strong person, she said.

Someone closing the gap.

She celebrated. I grieved.

In light of this new shift

I am the weakest person I know.

I was not the only one,

a voice behind me, female,

‘That’s not strength.’

I saw a ray of hope.
I am a woman.
I cry.
A lot. 
And maybe it's not weakness.
If I embrace this 'masculine strength'
I feel as though my heart would become dry
nothing would be able to grow
nothing good or bad

a wasteland.
I feel things too sharply. 
My emotions bowl me over,
overwhelm me,
refuse to be controlled,
contained.
But I'd rather feel too strongly
than feel nothing at all. 

I am a woman.
With years streaming down my face
I may seem weak.
But I am stronger than I look.
I am filled with oceans,
yet I am able to keep that from destroying me.
My emotions may rule me, tide like,
but they also drive me to care,

to see what's happening to other people,
to better myself,
to reach out,
to give myself to changing what I can

for those who need it.

I am a woman.
I cry. 
A lot. 
But with each tear I hope to carve
a new path for the world.

 

How Women's issues just became Men's issues

Hi guys! I wrote this for a magazine at my university, but I thought I'd post it here as well :)

    I recently asked some people what they thought of when they heard the word 'feminism', and what they think is the main obstacle for women in our society - of the many responses I got, one included a link to a TED talk by Jackson Katz, PhD. An anti-sexism activist, his talk is about how men are cut off from the conversation about violence against women when they should be an integral part of it - not only because the majority of aggressors are male, but also because men are victims too. He emphasises shifting the focus from the female victims of gender violence to the changing of the aspects of our society that allow some men to think hurting and degrading others is acceptable. Just like rape culture, those issues need to be approached on an every day, social level. Talking about the bystander approach, he challenges men to say something when a friend or colleague says something degrading about women. He challenges men to be leaders in how other people, especially women, should be treated.

    Then, I came across an article about the recent rapes and murders of young women and girls in India, written by Mallika Dutt, the president and CEO of Breakthrough. In contrast with a huge focus on the legislative and judicial aspects of these cases, this article stated that "we need to understand violence against women and girls not as a “shocking” problem in a faraway place, but as the global pandemic that it is, affecting cities, towns, neighborhoods, and families everywhere. We need to understand violence against women and girls—in all its forms and degrees—as an expression of the status of women, worldwide, as second-class citizens. Bottom line, we need to create the political and social will not only to protect women and girls—and not only to empower them, but to fully value them as human beings."

    Both Katz and Dutt end with the idea that "men of all stripes—from poor communities to places of power—need to be engaged as leaders and allies in demanding an end to discrimination and violence." Both argue that our society's idea of 'masculinity' needs to be challenged just as much as society's view of women's identity and their roles. There needs to be a shift from thinking of a man as a tough, dominating character to a protective, supporting person. There needs to be a shift from thinking of a woman as a weak commodity to a valued and strong person.

    This is my idea of feminism - the issues we deal with are not just women's issues or men's issues, but problems we all have a responsibility to acknowledge and try to change. Problems we're all involved in and effect, often without knowing it. Rape culture, sexism, gender discrimination and unfair, hostile social constructs all fundamentally involve both men and women. If feminism is about equality, that involves men. 

Link to the TED talk:

http://youtu.be/KTvSfeCRxe8

Link to the article:

http://www.thedailybeast.com/witw/articles/2013/05/05/mallika-dutt-a-better-response-is-needed-to-stop-crimes-like-rape-of-5-year-old-child-in-india.html?source=upworthy1 

"So, what exactly IS feminism?"

Hi guys! Remember me talking about getting more involved and emailing the women's officer at uni? Well today I went to a meeting held by the women's network! Met a few lovely and interesting people, heard some great ideas and shared a couple of my own thoughts. There's quite a few opportunities this week for me to start doing more, and I'm actually pretty excited! Several things to do on campus this week, a panel on women in the media and lots of great plans for the future. One of the things this week includes the launch of a magazine created by women across several campuses, that anyone can contribute to. I'd already planned and started a post about what I think feminism is (as I've had several people ask me), and decided to send that off for consideration for the magazine after I'd finished it - why not! But I'm also putting it here, since that's what it was for in the first place :) I've sort of covered this on here before (and reused a bit of a past post), but maybe I didn't say enough or I didn't say it in the right way. So here we go!:

Do you believe men and women were created equal?
Do you believe every person has the right to choose what happens to their body and when?
Do you believe a woman should make the same amount of money as a man, for the same amount of work?
Do you believe every women should have the choice of whether or not to get married and have children; and not have to give up a career to do so?

If you answered yes to these questions, congratulations! You're a feminist!

Since starting this blog, I've had several discussions with the women in my life about what feminism is. Those conversations have started with quite a few of them saying "I've been reading your blog, and it's interesting, but I'm not really even sure what feminism is". Hearing that surprised me, until I reminded myself that until very recently I was just as clueless.
Last year, a male friend at uni asked me if I would call myself a feminist. I said that "while I obviously agree with a lot of aspects of feminism, I wouldn't call myself one." He didn't understand why not. Evidently, neither did I. Over the next several months up until now, I regularly pondered that and looked into this whole "feminism" thing, getting more and more angry about how much it's ignored. About how I didn't even understand it enough, at 19, to realize that it's awful hard to be a woman and not be a feminist.
So what exactly is a feminist?
When people hear the word "feminist", they tend to think of intimidating women protesting about how men rule the world and its time women take over. But most of us don't want to take over the world - we just want to change it, and make sure our future daughters will be born into a world that supports them, protects them, values them and respects them. We want to guarantee that when our daughter tries to become a doctor, an astronaut, a lawyer, a scientist, an artist - she won't be looked over because she's a woman. We want to guarantee that our daughters will not have to grow up scared of men, and that if they ever need to they can stand up for others and protect themselves. We want our sons to grow up to be feminists - with a respect for women, a desire to make them feel safe and a willingness to stand up to anyone that threatens them.
"Feminism is the radical notion that women are people." (Cheris Kramarae and Paula Treichler)
In plain and simple terms, feminism is the idea that women deserve choices. That only we are allowed to define ourselves and our place in society. Only we get to make decisions about what we do with our lives and our bodies. We get to say what we want from life and then go get it! Feminism is about the freedom to be ourselves. It's about helping other women be happy, independent and strong. It's about putting women into positions of authority to ensure that only those with vaginas and wombs get to make laws and rules about vaginas and wombs. It's about creating equal access to education, careers and medical information and services; providing protective and legal services to women in need; and ensuring a woman's right to feel safe no matter where she is.
While we have a lot more choices than we used to, and are largely free to do with our lives what we will, there are still many obstacles. A woman can become almost anything she wants, but she certainly has to work harder for it. And even once she's made her choices, she will still be less respected than a man in her position. Every woman faces disrespect every day. I strongly believe that our generation's 'version' of feminism needs to include a focus on changing how the world sees us in social contexts, on an every day basis. We need to demand the respect of our friends, coworkers, family members, partners, and bosses.
There's a dire need in our society to erase the negative connotations surrounding the word "feminism" and replace it with the basic idea that started it: that women are equal to men, and need to be treated as such. That getting paid equally, having the same opportunities, not allowing anyone else to define you, belittle you or have a say in what happens to your body are the most important things we need to make happen. Accomplishing this will take more than just "radical women" fighting for their rights; instead, it will take every woman, and every man that values and respects women

You're Fantastic!

You can't appreciate how much you've grown, 

Once you've forgotten the ground."

 -Lacey Roop: The Gravity of Stars 

(which happens to be on my blog already, here: http://the-things-that-really-matter.blogspot.com.au/p/support.html)

Today I'm talking about growth and healing, and how sometimes we need to remind ourselves just how fantastic we are! There has been a reoccurring theme in my life lately of remembering how far you've come and using that to motivate yourself to keep going, and to feel some pride in who you are. 

I consider myself a part of a certain community, where healing from things is the main topic of conversation and the goal of everyone there. Bettering yourself, bettering your life, bettering your attitudes is something we all strive for. Recently a friend from that community wrote about how she has changed in recent years, and how much she loves those changes! She talked about how much she liked certain new aspects of herself that wouldn't have been there if her life hadn't gone a certain way. She mentioned things she still isn't as confident about, but that all of it - the good bits and the not-as-good bits - are all a part of her, and that the whole is something to be proud of, something to love. And I agree! She's one of the most unique, compassionate and strongest people I've come across and I'm truly happy she's found these strengths in herself!

 "I'm a completely different person. And I love it...I respect myself more. I am completely and utterly floored by this realisation. And overjoyed...I hope you guys get here too one day, if you aren't. It's great! Don't despair, as I did, because it will happen. For those of you who are already there - I am glad to finally join you!"

I've also thought about this in relation to myself. I've thought about how far I've come in learning to live with and handle the illnesses I have. Having said that, I'm not as great now as I was around January last year - but I'm a long ways from being too exhausted to do anything other than shower and move from my room to the couch; I'm a lot better than when I was the day I walked from my car to the door of a shopping centre and had to sit for a few minutes to stop myself from fainting. 

Illnesses aside, I've changed in other ways from other things, too. There were some major events in my life last year and even now, just a few months later, I can already think of things that are better, things that are just a tiny bit easier. They're small changes, but they're there. 

Within that aforementioned community, someone else was talking about a hopeless feeling of never progressing, never moving forward. That old idea that as soon as you move a few inches, a huge wave comes and pulls you back to where you started. I suggested she write down what things are like in detail now, then store that somewhere she won't really look for a few months or even a year. Then in time write a new version and compare the two. Lately I've been thinking I should follow my own advice :P Like the quote I began with says, it's awful hard to see how far you've come if you forget where you started. 

This ties into so many things. People talk about racism, sexism, discrimination: yes, it's bad. Yes, we need to make changes. But it used to be worse. Enough people are seeing how wrong things are and joining together to make those changes. People's attitudes are changing, people's ideas of what our society should be like are changing, people are starting to see where we've gone wrong in the past and how we should fix it for the future. And I for one have so much hope for our future. I have a lot of hope in the shifts being made by feminists and equality activists. I have a lot of hope for changing rape culture, and for people getting on board with letting everyone love whoever they want to love. There's reason to hope for more people standing up for others, even when they don't have to. 

Hope isn't enough though if we're not active in making what we hope for happen. I'd really like to get a lot more involved by volunteering (particularly at a women's shelter), and by being more active at uni - just as soon as I figure out how and where :P It's not just about volunteering though. Change happens when we live every day in the way we want the future to pan out.